Images courtesy of ABC
It's almost time for Halloween—a night of trick-or-treating, haunted houses and slutty cats (with rough tongues, of course). Modern Family and Cougar Town got into the Halloween spirit with two hilarious episodes last night.
I'm fixin' to take a look at the best moments...
Season 2, Episode 6: "Halloween"
While Claire prepares the family for her favorite holiday, Phil worries they might be drifting apart after learning of their neighbors' divorce. Jay and Gloria fight over Gloria's English pronunication and Cam and Mitchell fight over who has the saddest Halloween story ever.
"There are exactly three people in costume here. A tool, a douche and me." - Mitchell, who suffered from incredibly squeaky thighs (but not a lost childhood).(Titles Are Hard) Cougar Town
"That's coconuts. You're super delightful!" - Phil, who only gets sleep-hit by Claire.
"That doesn't make any sense. Who wants to live in a world where dogs eat each other? Doggy Dog World is a beautiful world full of little puppies!" - Gloria, who embraces English sayings like "blessings in the skies" and "carpool tunnel syndrome" (and who looked particularly busty in that leopard dress).
"Are you trying to get candy or Japanese businessmen?" - Claire to Haley, who dressed up as Mother Theresa (back when she was hot).
"And everyone was screaming 'That's him! Get Quasimoto!' and then the townspeople started chasing me and that's when I wet my pants! I wet my pants. I wet my pants..." - Cam, who may or may not own bad Halloweens.
"Thanksgiving—that used to be me roasting a turkey until the gays took it over with whatever new turkey cooking craze it is that you saw on the Food Network." - Claire, who failed to mention she asked for thirds of tandoori turkey last year.
Season 2, Episode 6: "You Don't Know How It Feels"
The Cul De Sac Crew is visited by Jules' father, Chick, and Jules struggles to restore their relationship. Laurie tries to get Travis to enjoy Halloween and Bobby learns he is no longer Stan's guardian.
"Happy Halloween, bitch! Boo!" - Laurie, who got caught throwing baby dolls into a dumpster on a grainy security camera last Halloween.What did you think of last night's episodes? Should Luke and Manny get a spin-off series? Did Gloria's proper English accent make you incredibly uncomfortable? And do you want to roll around in the hay (aka Barb)? Sound off in the comments!
"I'm her man / I'm her father / She's my lover / She's my daughter / Singing here like a couple of fools / 'Cuz we both got kicked in the family Jules!" - Mr. Emotionally Distant x2, a.k.a. Grayson (who has a great name for a hunting dog and is Minnesota tough) and Chick (who isn't named Goat and wants to dress up as Tenille).
"A boat is not a home until you use candy to lure children on it." - Bobby, who lost his left sandal in the toaster and knows
StanRick will have his back in a bar fight.
"So now you have to sit here and listen to a bear and gay pirate play some horrible song over and over." - Laurie, who is planning a costume as Captain Super Fun for this year.
And of course I have to mention the amazing costumes the Cul De Sac Crew whipped up: Andy as Dom DeLuise dressed as Burt Reynolds, Jules as a princess, Grayson as
a princePrince, Ellie as Laurie, Laurie as a Bangkok prostituteEllie, Travis as Andy (c'mon!), Bobby as Windy Guy and Chick as an office bear.