Friday, January 7, 2011

Family Jules: When Doves Cry

Images courtesy of ABC

After a long, four week hiatus, Modern Family and Cougar Town made their triumphant 2011 debuts this week. Neighborly love was shown in its extremes with sign wars, squatters and triple animal funerals. Let's take a look at the best moments...

Modern Family
Season 2, Episode 11: "Slow Down Your Neighbors"
Claire stands up to a speeding neighborhood menace, who also happens to be Phil's big client. Cam and Mitchell are swooned by a new neighbor and Gloria struggles to ride a bike for the first time.
"She has to run every day or she goes crazy. She's like a border collie." - Phil, who only remembers Scottie Pippen because he's named after his favorite musical.

"That's what I said when you were coming out of your mom's lady parts." - Phil, who can't lead a double life like Hannah Montana.

"Two-thirds of my house can't do what a billion Chinese do." - Jay, who doesn't think there's any reason Gloria should be able to stay upright.

"What part of Europe is he from? Pretentioustan?" - Mitchell, who's lucky he hasn't been kicked in the butt yet.

"You two so lucky they don't let you get married." - Mrs. Ko, who probably thinks white people all look the same.

"You are living in a little girl's toy and you have to move out." - Cam, who turned into a 16 year old girl.
(New Year's Resolution: Embrace Our Stupid Title & Lose Six Pounds) Cougar Town (We Love It!)
Season 2, Episode 11: "No Reason to Cry"
Jules begins accidentally killing every animal she sees and is bothered by Grayson's ambivalence. Meanwhile, Ellie wants Andy to keep their "couple jokes" private and Bobby struggles with his golf game once he finds out the world's problems. Also, the episode was a giant promo for Diet Dr. Pepper.
"I'm writing a screenplay. It's a cartoon about a plucky termite princess named Molly, who gets kidnapped and sold into sex slavery. It's not a kids' movie." - Laurie describing Bug Hookers.

"Jules Dove is giving me the evil eye." - Jules, who would never run into a frying pan...

"He's part of the Cul-De-Sac Crew. You meddle with one of them, the entire group responds. They're a collective consciousness, like children of the corn." - Travis, whose celebrity crush is Megan Fox (who looks nothing like Jules and everything like Kirsten... right?).

"We did everything we could, including wrapping him in my brand new cashmere hoodie that's so soft it makes my nipples sleepy." - Grayson, who has a trademark back beard.

And of course:
"Oh, hey, Rach, now bear with me, I have to order for everyone. OK, I’ll have one soy largey, one teeny-tiny, one teeny-teeny-tiny unleaded, one Plain Jane, extra yum (what the hell, make it a double yum), a baby Joey, a midnight with a full moon (hold the pumpkin), a medium coffee. I need a heavy D in a travel mug, please. Two Crazy Ivans, a Soran’s Eye. Also, I need a Damn! and an iced Damn!, a Sneaky Pete, a double drip with a snip of whip and a frappe-cap heavy on the crrrrcchhh, crrrccchhhh. Oh, and let’s see. What’s fresh? OK, I’ll take three raisin happy muffins, a French mustache, and ugh, a fart muffin, that is not for me. Oh, and I forgot to order my own coffee! Can I get a Taye Diggs, which is black and extra strong and smooth but also very sweet?" - Laurie, 'nuff said.
What did you think of this week's episodes? Would you be hypnotized by James Marsden's stare? Would you learn better if someone was spraying you with a water gun? And did you watch the latest "Andy's Dreams" webisode yet?!
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