Saturday, August 27, 2011

Project Runway, Season 9 E5: The Real World Parsons

Well, if you weren't aware before now, I guess it's now painfully obviously that Project Runway is now in the hands of Bunim/Murray Productions, the same producers that bring us The Real World and all of the insanity and (keyword here) DRAMA that comes along with it. We had double the problems, double the attitudes, double the eliminations and double the winners. All we need now is for someone to vomit in the shower and a threeway to happen in the hot tub. I wouldn't put it past Bert.

But before I start mapping out the plot of The Real World: Parsons, let's breakdown the action of last night's episode.

  • Race to the Finish Beginning: After dressing themselves in activewear branded with "HK4NB" (aka Heidi Klum for New Balance), the designers schlepped themselves over to Washington Heights where they were whipped and beaten by athletic gladiators. Not really, but they did have to run a lap in order to determine the team leaders for the challenge. That was the final straw for Cecilia, who decide to auf herself before the race. I'm sure Julie really appreciated that, especially since Cecilia could've just as easily left before the judges did last week's elimination. What a wench. Anywho, Olivier also wasn't particularly up for the challenge, falling flat on his face mid-race and then passing out. Poor thing.
  • Challenge: Each team was tasked with creating three looks to go with Heidi's New Balance sneakers. Unlike last season's challenge, they weren't limited to sportswear. Suits and dresses accepted! The winners of the race, Josh M., Bryce, Anthony Ryan and Viktor—or all of the young men, however you wish to describe it—picked two teammates each:
    • Team Josh - Josh M., Anya and Becky
    • Team Bryce - Bryce, Kimberly and Danielle
    • Team Anthony Ryan - Anthony Ryan, Laura and Bert
    • Team Viktor - Viktor, Olivier and, because of Cecilia's departure, Josh C. Don't ask me why they didn't just bring back Julie. It makes zero sense.
  • In the Workroom:
    • Josh M. doesn't want Becky to design anything at all and intends for her to just be a seamstress. Becky goes along with it until Josh calls her clothes "dowdy" and then all hell breaks loose. Becky's sobbing in the bathroom stall, Anya is playing both sides and Josh is trying to convince Becky that "dowdy" isn't a bad thing.
    • Bert doesn't want to be a team player with Anthony Ryan and Laura and is extremely difficult... what a surprise! 
    • Josh C. calls Heidi "the Klum of Doom" and I decide to be happy that he's back.
    • Josh M. and Bert go at it. Bert tells Josh to drop dead and calls him a "self-centered prick." Lovely.
    • Heidi is concerned with the progress the designers aren't making, so she gives them an extra five hours to sew fight.
  • The Judges: There was a lot of fighting amongst the judges this week. One of these days Heidi and Nina are just going to go at it, huh? I can't wait! Of course, all of that Klum-Garcia arguing made guest judge Erin Wasson completely irrelevant. Who is she anyway?
  • The Runway:
    • Team Josh
      • Josh - The wavy black/grey/cream print his team used was really cool and did a great job of blending the idea of activewear with everyday clothing. Loved the sheer back to his shredded vest.
      • Anya - Easy, breezy, beautiful—yes. But if you take that outlandish stripe off the front, it's just a plain ol' maxi dress. The racer back was cool and it made the model look like a million bucks, but when the judges praised the dress for pairing well with the sneakers, I had to stop and wonder if they just meant "you did a great job covering up the sneakers with that long ass dress."
      • Becky - You guys, who is going to wear this outfit?! Who?! Those stripes were an eyesore, the skirt was way too tight and the shirt was on the brink of being a midriff top. I find it hard to blame Becky for the way this turned out because of the situation she had with Josh in the workroom, but this was a big mess.
    • Team Bryce
      • Bryce - The judges were totally gaga for this dress and I was totally not. The dress was too short and looked bizarre with the sneakers, and all of the pleats, darts, snaps, bells and whistles made it look too fussy. 
      • Danielle - Could someone explain to me how a turquoise blouse made it into this "collection"? Girlfriend was just trying to a) repeat her success from the stilt challenge, and b) make up for that heinous top from last week. She did neither.
      • Kimberly - When Kimberly said she didn't care about her immunity this week, she wasn't kidding. I adored the jacket and the formal shorts, though the judges argued the two didn't go together. Pish posh, I say. Her model looked chic, even with the sneakers!
    • Team Anthony Ryan
      • Anthony - "I think the best way to dress a woman is to put her in the ugliest fabric and make it as unflattering as possible," said Anthony Ryan. Or at least that's what it looked like. This garment looked like pajamas gone wrong, complete with shorts that were enormous and still managed to give his model camel toe. 
      • Bert - Bert may be a total nightmare to work with, but he can churn out a cute look every now and again. Of course, this was not the right outfit for this challenge—the skirt and vibrant blue top were fantastic but not with those sneakers. 
      • Laura - I loved the vision behind this look, but unfortunately there were a lot of shortcomings in the execution. I wish the vest had been more dramatic and flowing and the shorts needed some serious cleaning up. The blue print for the top was a great pick, despite Bert fighting her on it the entire time.
    • Team Viktor
      • Viktor - Take a moment to look at all the looks we've just talked about. Now look at what Viktor sent down the runway. He made that fabulous motorcycle jacket in the same amount of time it took Anthony Ryan to vomit up that frock! And not only was the jacket to die for, but the dress underneath it was fa-bu-lous! Plus, the whole thing paired so well with Heidi's sneakers.
      • Josh C. - I bet the sketch for this look was fierce, like a post-apocolyptic Lara Croft from Tomb Raider. Unfortunately, the top was too loose and wrinkled and the pants were about 4-5 inches too shorts. The saving grace for this look was the vest/holster.
      • Olivier - Olivier must've missed the instructions when he had his little episode with the paramedics. He must've thought the challenge was to design a garment for a sister wife with a passion for motorcycles. It was like a combination of Big Love and Sons of Anarchy in the worst way possible. Sad, drab and bad.
  • Kors-ism of the Week: "It's like a soufflĂ© that flopped!"—the perfect description for Danielle's top, and the way I will describe everything I hate from now on.
  • And the winner is: Viktor is the victor for his wonderful dress and jacket! Oh, and Josh is also the victor for Anya's dress. Wait.. what?! The double win makes no sense to me, especially since they decided to award Josh for his "leadership." Give me a break. Viktor was the clear victor here. And, yes, I plan on using "Viktor" and "victor" together a lot. Deal with it.
  • Auf Widersehen to: Danielle, whose soufflĂ© had flopped too many times to keep her on. The judges certainly had an interesting debate on whether to judge the designers based solely on the current challenge or on their body of work. They've flip-flopped a lot on this issue over the course of the last nine seasons, and Anthony Ryan should consider himself lucky that they went for "body of work" this week. You've been touched by an angel, girl!
So another exciting week on The Real World: Parsons! Next week, the roommates designers are going to catfight some more and hopefully one of them will talk about how they are not on the show to make friends. Please oh please, Bunim/Murray... make that happen!

[Image Source: Lifetime]
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