Sunday, September 18, 2011

Project Runway, Season 9 E8: Baby Got Back


Let's get this out of the way. Real people—you are unworthy of fashion. Your normal proportions and curves are too large for designers to possibly fathom draping fabric over, and the mere sight of your body is repulsive to them. Should you be blessed with meeting a fashion designer and paying them money to make a garment for you, do not dare to voice an opinion for you are there to be seen, not heard.

If that makes sense to you, then I bet you really enjoyed this week's Project Runway. If you think the previous paragraph makes me sound like a crazy person, then 1) congratulations, you are a normal person; 2) you, like me, were probably enraged by the designers' behavior.

So before I have an Olivier-induced rage stroke, let's break down the episode:

  • Challenge: The gasps were more than audible when nine men walked onto the runway—oh no, menswear! But, fear not, the men weren't the clients. Instead, the designers were paired with one of the guys and instructed to create a look for their girlfriend or wife. I love a good client-based challenge, especially when it involves real people. Some of the designers felt differently, but we'll get to that in a minute.
  • In the Workroom:
    • Bert's client loves his wife's breasts and refuses to talk about anything else.
    • The men accompany the designers to Mood, which is something I can't remember ever happening before.
    • Once the girlfriends and wives visit for fittings, most love the designs—except for Olivier's client, but more on that later.
    • Bryce, who misses his boyfriend a lot even though they've probably only been filming for two and half weeks tops at this point, decides to start over after two whole days. Sound like a brilliant idea, no?
    • In case it wasn't clear before, Anya reminded us that she hasn't been sewing for very long. Isn't it nice to learn new things each week?
    • The couples got to have their own little confessional interview in which they were all insanely adorable.
  • Olivier: Yep, Olivier gets his very own bullet point this week because his behavior was completely outrageous and totally unacceptable. From the very first second, he was spouting out sound bites that I hope made him cringe upon watching the episode last night. I'm not sure who he thinks buys clothes in this world, but if he doesn't change his attitude he won't have to worry about that because no one will be buying his. Let's break down a few of those horrific statements:
    • "We're left with fat people, which is fine but not when we're making clothes."
    • "I don't like women having boobies. I want them to be flat."
    • "I'm not so used to working with a client."
  • The Judges: Michael, Heidi and Nina were joined by actress Malin Akerman, who said she didn't mind being on the Worst Dressed List if it meant she took a chance. I worry about Malin.
  • Top Three:
    • Anya - I was not anticipating this to be a Top Three contender at all. Her client came out looking like a mini-Anya, which makes me wonder if Anya is capable of designing for anyone other than herself (see: Season 5's Kenley). The sleeve threw off the balance of the entire look and the asymmetrical hem didn't flatter the client. The judges, however, disagreed with me completely and complimented the combination of the fabrics, the combination of African and Asian cultures and the possibility for Malin Akerman to end up on the Worst Dressed List while wearing it on the red carpet.
    • Josh - Josh made huge strides this week, proving he doesn't have to bedazzle every single garment within an inch of its life. The simple black dress was elevated with stunning lace details, a sexy low-cut back and some great styling with the blue pumps. It made his client look like a million bucks and definitely redeemed Josh after last week's clock-inspired mess.
    • Viktor - Viktor took his client's already-chic style and infused it with his own to create a fantastic look. The blue blouse was hip and the high-waisted skirt was a ten. His client looked flirty and feminine, even if the accessories were a bit too much. Listen to Coco Chanel, honey—take one piece off before you leave the house.
  • Bottom Three:
    • Anthony Ryan - Oh, Anthony Ryan. He got so caught up in recreating his client's favorite dress that he didn't stop to try and incorporate his own voice into the piece. The look wasn't age appropriate and it wasn't particularly flattering for her body. The white belt was an accessory misfire and the whole look came off as safe and boring.
    • Bert - Bert's garment was well-made and fit perfectly, but it was far from modern and original. It looked like thousands of dresses we've seen before and once again drove home the point that Bert cannot make a look for the modern 2011 girl.
    • Bryce - I loved the bold pink color, especially paired with the little black belt. Unfortunately, there were definite fit issues and few too many design elements. The judges clashed on the pockets, which I actually like despite them being a little too low, but ultimately decided that they were horrible.
  • Kors-ism of the Week: Even though I liked the pockets on Bryce's dress, it did provide the best material for Michael this week. "To me it looks like you're going to the buffet table and you walk by the bar, you put like a lamb chop in one pocket, beer bottle in the other pocket. Oh, look! There's a piece of cake, I'll put it in there!" And if that wasn't enough, he also added in, "You could put a dog in there!"
  • And the winner is: Josh, who did a back handspring off the runway.
  • Auf Wiedersehen to: Bryce. Not surprising, and it was bound to happen eventually.
Did you agree with the runway results? Did Anya belong in the Top Three? And were you as offended by Olivier's behavior this week as I was? Sound off in the comments!

[Image Source: Lifetime]
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