Phil massaging a nude Jay, Max making out with Alex, Cam driving a truck and Jane getting in trouble for sexual harassment at work. Some very eventful episodes of Modern Family and Happy Endings this week, so let's get to it before I make uncomfortable references about a three-hole punch...
Season 3, Episode 8: "After the Fire"
The entire Pritchett-Dunphy-Delgado-Tucker crew joins together to help out a family whose house burned down. When Jay pulls his back out, Phil comes to the rescue while he deals with some difficult decisions at work. Meanwhile, Cam tries to prove his manliness to the Dunphy girls, Claire gets jealous of Mitchell's relationship with Gloria and Luke continues to be a bad influence on do-gooder Manny.
"If you want him to stop lifting things, put all this in grocery bags and put the TV on to a football game." - Gloria, who admits she likes Mitchell better than Claire.Happy Endings
"I'm sorry, but I think you might have a higher tolerance for a man's hands on your body than I do." - Jay, who eventually lets an "I love you" slip to Phil.
"Now just disrobe and place the towel over your buttocks." - Phil just before transporting Jay to "Relaxistan."
"That question… it was like a hate crime." - Cam, who once drove a Bobcat Skid Steer with a bucket grapple through a school hallway on a dare.
"Why are you making those cruel sounds with your mouth?" - Mitchell, who is understandably terrified whenever he wakes up to see Cam "sleep clown-ing."
"You have your fans, I have mine. Someday your fans are going to work for my fans." - Alex, who Haley predicts will go to prom with Cam.
"I have three kids and at least one of them is going to college. Worse case scenario: they all go." - Phil, who once bought an alpaca.
Season 2, Episode 7: "The Code War"
Max's high school girlfriend Angie visits, making Penny incredibly jealous. When Dave starts dating Angie, Max calls a Code War, going even as far as making out with Alex, who promptly falls in love with him. Meanwhile, Brad and Jane get jealous of each other's work spouses.
"I was so focused on work I forgot to get work married." - Jane, who is no stranger to the three-hole punch.[Image Source: ABC]
"That gay's got mouth game… I know that sounded gross, but I meant it as a compliment." - Penny, who has two work husbands, three work ex-boyfriends, one work stalker and one work dog.
"Two of my favorite people hanging out. It's like when Mike Myers and Kanye West tried to raise money for Hurricane Katrina." - Max, who thinks way too much about water births.
"Oh no he didn't… Oh no he didn't just say 'oh no he didn't'… Yes he did…. Girl, you lyin'… Bitch, I ain't lyin' it's The Code, shoot… " - Brad, whose mom tweets things like "Shutting down the fallopes. #menopause."
"You look like Keri Russell after she ruined Felicity" - Penny to Dave, who prepares all his meat in his underwear.