Thursday, January 12, 2012

Happy Family Jules: My Dad Got Bangs


Racist parrots, feng sui-loving birth mothers, an angry, vegetarian Ed Begley, Jr. and the five six keys of real estate. Yup, it was a pretty funny night in the land of ABC comedy.

So before my swimmer's ear gets agitated by a wet willy, I'll go ahead and review last night's episodes of Modern Family and Happy Endings...

Modern Family
Season 3, Episode 12: "Egg Drop"
Cam and Mitchell interview a potential birth mother and Phil enlists Gloria and Haley to assist him with a big real estate presentation. Meanwhile, Claire and Jay's competitive spirits get the best of them as they take over Manny and Luke's science projects.

No longer concerned he was going to die, Phil was thankfully back to his usual, wacky self. The presentation was an excellent example of how he is a smart, successful guy who can't help but get in his own way—the confetti explosion at the end of the seminar was one of my favorite Phil moments since he was imitating Man on Wire. It was also nice for the show to address Phil's adoration of Gloria in a funny way. Gloria yelling in her exaggerated accent is something some people get sick of. I am not one of those people.

I often complain about Claire being unlikable, and the egg drop project is a situation where the potential for her being too intense was there. Fortunately, Jay was brought in on the action, and seeing the father-daughter competition was fantastic, especially once we found out Manny and Luke were in on it the entire time.

And as for Cameron and Mitchell... their performance of "Don't Go Breaking My Heart" had me in absolute stitches. I need to watch that daily from now on. And the potential birth mother critiquing Cam was the perfect cherry on the sundae. [Side Bar: that duet is my future]

Now onto the best lines of the night...
"Keep talking like that and you'll go through life unmanned." - Haley to Alex, whose project might have applications for unmanned space flight.

"Aren’t we all just fragile eggs hiding behind bubble wrap and bravado?" - Manny, who enjoyed a nice break from the life of the mind he usually lives.

"Oh, you didn't need help carrying six scones...?" - Mitchell, who thankfully knows the biological difference between dolphins and tuna.

"Okay, well, look at it this way: we're not only adopting a baby, we're saving it from a life spent searching for East Dakota." - Cam, before being "a little pitchy" in their song and dance for the potential birth mother.

"Sometimes the best thing to do in a race to the top is grease the pole behind you." - Jay, who doesn't understanding cutting grapes for 8-year-olds.

"Be careful. That can get really creepy fast." - Gloria, apparently no stranger to men who love feet.

"Ladies and gentlemen, get ready for one of the giants of residential real estate. A salesman's salesman... (Where are you guys? I've been calling you!) A realtor's realtor... (You were supposed to do my intro and now I have to) Two-time non-consecutive winner of the Realtor of Year Award... (Just get back here by the end) Future investor… STOP MAKING EXCUSES… and start making your dreams come true. Ladies and gentlemen… Phil Dunphy!" - Phil. 'Nuff said.
Happy Endings
Season 2, Episode 11: "Meat the Parrots"
A visit from Dave's dad (Michael McKean) also brings the news that he's now dating Penny's mom (the incomparable Megan Mullally), while Alex, Brad and Max investigate a potential sex ring at the Chinese restaurant across the street. Also, Alex adopts a racist, homophobic, xenophobic parrot named Tyler and Ed Begley, Jr. made a random guest appearance.

Any use of Megan Mullally in any show is automatic bonus points for me, so I am especially thrilled she reappeared as Dana this week. That would've been enough for me, but the addition of Dave's dad, Penny acting like an annoying older sister, Max trying to imitate The Wire (though he's never seen it) and that offensive parrot just pushed it over the top. Truth be told, I had a difficult time understand what the parrot was saying on first viewing, but it was worth it to go back and hear him say things like, "Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve." Bird be trippin'.

I love the way Happy Endings throws in these random celebrity cameos out of nowhere (see: Brent Musburger, Fred Savage and, now, Ed Begley, Jr.).  Also, I need to have an 'Ed Bagel-y, Jr.' sandwich immediately. Followed by a 'Big Dave' steak sandwich. Yum.

And though there were too many to list, here are the best lines of the night...
"Take it from me—a thrice child of divorce—parents get super weird after they split up. First Year: Pinot Grig and video dating. Second year: bangs. My dad got bangs!" - Penny, who is closer to her My Buddy doll than her actual sister.

"So Dave's new mom is Penny's old mom?" - Alex, who got Tyler the racist parrot from aryan420@prodigy.net on Craigslist.

"Soy steak. Blake Lively loves it." - Dana, who was briefly engaged to a Saudi Arabian prince, describing "stoyk."

"YOU TELL US WHERE THE WHORES ARE AT!" - Max, who doesn't have time to read everything that's stuck to him.

"I'm still the same person to you that I've always been: a cool, hip aunt-type figure who's way too young to be your actual aunt." - Dana, who starts and ends her act with "The Neutron Dance" by the Pointer Sisters.

"I remember your hair in the summer—like John C. Reilly after a kickball game." - Jane, who never eats her pizza crusts.

"Bird, you trippin'." - Brad, who shares a birthday with Adolf Hitler and Carmen Electra (go Taurus!).
What did you think of last night's episodes? Did you love Cam and Mitchell's duet and Phil's presentation? Could you understand the racist parent? And which would you rather have: stoyk or steak? Sound off in the comments!

[Image Source: ABC]
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